# Bethak - The Desi Lounge > Love & Relationships >  ^*^what Is Important 4 Sucesfull Marriage..?^*^

## DIL JALEY

WELL  i dnt know u ppl have 2 answr 

what is important 4 sucefull marriage 
 love sex money ?

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## RAHEN

love

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## Miss_Sweet

u forgot somethin there...UNDERSTANDING sab se zaaroori hai mere khayal se...

but LOVE too...

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## Endurer

Money is that all important factor for the most of us, love & sex go hand in hand.

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## Miss_Sweet

1. Understanding/ Trust
2. Love
3 MONEYYYYY

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## hailian

paisa ho tu pyar khudee ho gata hay

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## Kainaat

bahot se log paisa hone ke bawajood sucessful marriage nai ghuzar rahe  :Smile:

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## KOHINOOR

me agree with Naila n kainaat  :Smile:

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## Miss_Sweet

thnx 4 agreeing

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## Endurer

> bahot se log paisa hone ke bawajood sucessful marriage nai ghuzar rahe


aisa kyun?

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## Hina87

i can answer that...u cannot buy real love  :Smile: 

just becuz you have a lot of money doesn't mean ur marriage is going to do well. you need LOVE for a successful marriage. Poor or not..as long as there is love, you can go through anything together  :Smile:

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## spotlesssoul

*Ummm i think most of all is RESPECT.. 

If a person knows about the phenomenon of Giving and taking respect clearly...only then he would be able to called as Human.. He will get to know how to respect relations and that's the most important thing 

As far as mertimonial bliss is concerned... we cannot term this  with such materialistic objectsI agree with the passage of time ,..people has started believing money to be everything but one cannot buy happiness from dollars...May i know where that market is located in which you can but happiness For successful marriage i agree with Swwet sis understanding is the most important thing....Understanding between two persons helps to develop trust among relation... Love itself starts growing then..... Likeness can be developed at once...But love needs time  I had said earlier unsaniyat aur muhabbat main buhat farq hota hay...Jahan aik dosray par aitmaad aur bharoosa ho ga..muhabbat khud he apni konpal se sar nikaal ke iss bay-gharz duniya main pyaar ki khushi aur khushbu phaila day gee... *

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## Fairy

Well said Hira :giveflower; I agree  :Smile:

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## spotlesssoul

Thankoo aapi... :$ ... :hatsoff;

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## nazims

Theek hai paisa har insaan ki zaroorat hai.  lekin yahan sawal hai succesful marriage life ka..... 
kuch logon ka khyaal hai ke paise se pyaar khareeda ja sakta hai, matlab agar un ke paas paisa ho to woh successful life *khareed* sakte hai, lekin mein ek sawaal ka jawab chahta hoon..... agar aap ne paise ke bal boote par love haasil kar liya aur fir in future aap ka bura waqt aaya to kya aap ka woh pyar jo aap ne paise se khareeda tha woh pyaar bure waqt mein aap ka saath dega ya koi doosre paise wale ke paas chala jayega.. ?

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## Kainaat

I 100 % agree with Hira, very well said :applaud;

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## spotlesssoul

[B]Aww....JazakAllah Kainat Sis  :Smile: 

Thanx fr your special concern :hug;

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## Kainaat

Hira it was awesome, I couldn't explain it better, but I have been thinking about the same for years now  :Big Grin:

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## abhaysahai

I vote for money --- 
the root of all evil. 
If there is less money then sustaining should be very difficult. 

Love ??? Well typically Indians have arranged marriage and all the Love starts after marriage --- It generally develops.

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## Endurer

> *As far as mertimonial bliss is concerned... we cannot term this  with such materialistic objectsI agree with the passage of time ,..people has started believing money to be everything but one cannot buy happiness from dollars...May i know where that market is located in which you can but happiness For successful marriage i agree with Swwet sis understanding is the most important thing....Understanding between two persons helps to develop trust among relation... Love itself starts growing then..... Likeness can be developed at once...But love needs time  I had said earlier unsaniyat aur muhabbat main buhat farq hota hay...Jahan aik dosray par aitmaad aur bharoosa ho ga..muhabbat khud he apni konpal se sar nikaal ke iss bay-gharz duniya main pyaar ki khushi aur khushbu phaila day gee... *


martimonial bliss? you give me one good example of that where a couple enjoys that sorda bliss 24/7.. just for the sake of it.

At the end of a certain day, it's your thick wallet that counts.

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## Endurer

> i can answer that...u cannot buy real love 
> 
> just becuz you have a lot of money doesn't mean ur marriage is going to do well. you need LOVE for a successful marriage. Poor or not..as long as there is love, you can go through anything together


What is love?

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## Hina87

lol...that isn't something that anyone can really explain Adi bhai. 

love is trust, understanding, COMMUNICATION, etc. 

you do need money, but that is not the most important thing. I know this on a personal level.

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## RAHEN

> Theek hai paisa har insaan ki zaroorat hai.  lekin yahan sawal hai succesful marriage life ka..... 
> kuch logon ka khyaal hai ke paise se pyaar khareeda ja sakta hai, matlab agar un ke paas paisa ho to woh successful life *khareed* sakte hai, lekin mein ek sawaal ka jawab chahta hoon..... agar aap ne paise ke bal boote par love haasil kar liya aur fir in future aap ka bura waqt aaya to kya aap ka woh pyar jo aap ne paise se khareeda tha woh pyaar bure waqt mein aap ka saath dega ya koi doosre paise wale ke paas chala jayega.. ?


mana money ke balbote par pyaar(life partner) ko hasil kiya hai. to yeh pyar akhri waqt tak sath dega. kyunki pyaar mein to daag nahi hai.
haan jo yeh log sochte hain ke paise se pyaar khareeda ja sakta hai to yeh galat hai.


i will give ma opinion on dis topic tomorrow inshaAllah

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## Endurer

> Originally Posted by nazims @ Tue Jul 25, 2006 4:15 pm
> 
> Theek hai paisa har insaan ki zaroorat hai.  lekin yahan sawal hai succesful marriage life ka..... 
> kuch logon ka khyaal hai ke paise se pyaar khareeda ja sakta hai, matlab agar un ke paas paisa ho to woh successful life *khareed* sakte hai, lekin mein ek sawaal ka jawab chahta hoon..... agar aap ne paise ke bal boote par love haasil kar liya aur fir in future aap ka bura waqt aaya to kya aap ka woh pyar jo aap ne paise se khareeda tha woh pyaar bure waqt mein aap ka saath dega ya koi doosre paise wale ke paas chala jayega.. ?
> 
> 
> mana money ke balbote par pyaar(life partner) ko hasil kiya hai. to yeh pyar akhri waqt tak sath dega. kyunki pyaar mein to daag nahi hai.
> haan *jo yeh log sochte hain ke paise se pyaar khareeda ja sakta hai to yeh galat hai.*
> 
> ...


Absolutely, I agree with you.

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## Endurer

> lol...that isn't something that anyone can really explain Adi bhai. 
> 
> love is trust, understanding, COMMUNICATION, etc. 
> 
> you do need money, but that is not the most important thing. I know this on a personal level.


Can you love a person who doesn't have enough money to live comfortably & who has the shadows of scantiness covering all of the common pleasures a human being deserves? -/be honest/-

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## Hina87

i'm kind of living it right now bhayya. if u really want to know wut i'm talking about just IM or PM me becuz i don't want to talk about it in the forum. 

honestly, i would not want to be with someone that doesn't have enough money to live comfortably, but money isn't the first thing you think about when u fall in love. well at least not me. if u've fallen in love wid somebody, and then afterwards they tell u of their financial problems, u won't be able to just automatically stop loving them. it would be a hard decision to make whether or not u want to stay wid them.

*addition:* please do not worry about what i wrote  :Smile:  I am perfectly fine...sorry if I upset anyone with my post.

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## RAHEN

marriage is a commitment which should be honoured,respected,managed and believed.Marriage  is like a game and a game should be played skillfully.Its rule must be always remembered. they must be Made and Kept.

i have noticed two points in the psyche of lady and gents.
1)
Man marries for love.
Woman love for marriage.

2)
in understanding,love and money mostly both the genders categorize it as

Man 
a)understanding
b)money
c)love

Woman
a)understanding
b)love
c)money

there is a difference between point b) and c).wat i have noticed mostly dat man wants love to stay wid the same person i.e his wife.........Woman wants money for the stay of relationship which she gets from man.as money is the source of living and love is the base of relationship so these two things go hand in hand. 
Now according to the Q of Dil jaley
i will choose love because love agar sath ho to zindagi ki sari mushkilat asaan ho jati hai. i will not choose money kyunki mera yeh manna hai keh paisa Allah ki taraf se aata- Rizq min Allah. Agar insaan koshish kare to paisa ghar mein aajaye ga.
As an example,
couple got married had enough money to live a living but somehow situations changed and became needy of money- wife gave her jewelry for exchange of money
to add in business and they once again started to live a living but again problems arised and they became needy and shifted to their parents home. wanted to borrow some money from frnd and relatives but none gave help. husband started a new leaf by getting a job somewhere else leaving his own business until he gets some cash in hand. raw started between them on money problem to the extent dat they wanted to get divorced .and the parents of both the families also wanted dat. 3years have passed dis way facing problems although the lady also started to work. and society mein to poor ki koi izat hi nahi. any ways love and acceptance for eachother made them face all the hardship together n now they r happy together and respect each other cause they believe dat they have passed their exam wid success. 
Money is only the source of living but love is wat gets u reach each other :hug1: every time u fall-

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## Kainaat

Mere khayaal mein understanding ho to zindagi ziaydah asaan ho jaati hai, love aur money ke begair   :Smile:

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## Endurer

> honestly, i would not want to be with someone that doesn't have enough money to live comfortably, but money *isn't the first thing* you think about when u fall in love. well at least not me. if u've fallen in love wid somebody, and then *afterwards* they tell u of their financial problems, u won't be able to just automatically stop loving them. it would be a *hard decision* to make whether or not u want to stay wid them.


Made my point.

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## Endurer

> marriage is a commitment which should be honoured,respected,managed and believed.Marriage  is like a game and a game should be played skillfully.Its rule must be always remembered. they must be Made and Kept.


Game? can you justify that sis?




> i have noticed two points in the psyche of lady and gents.
> 1)
> Man marries for love.
> Woman love for marriage.


And the difference is?




> 2)
> in understanding,love and money mostly both the genders categorize it as
> 
> Man 
> a)understanding
> b)money
> c)love
> 
> Woman
> ...


Is it based on a public survey or is this just plain speculation?

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## Endurer

> Mere khayaal mein understanding ho to zindagi ziaydah asaan ho jaati hai, love aur money ke begair


I am glad k app ne apne khiyalat ka izhar kia, per kia waqaye aisa hota hai practical life mein? last movie konsi dekhi thi?

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## RAHEN

> Originally Posted by RAHEN @ Fri Jul 28, 2006 9:10 am
> 
> marriage is a commitment which should be honoured,respected,managed and believed.Marriage  is like a game and a game should be played skillfully.Its rule must be always remembered. they must be Made and Kept
> 
> 
> Game? can you justify that sis?


Yes Brother. in every type of game there are rules which should be followed.and if those rules are not followed they can bring disaster in one or the other way. before playing dis game one has to make rules and those rules should be kept while playing dat game. couples before marriage make different rules based on the surrounding/society. when they accept each other automatically they accept the rules of marriage(commitment). if one of them is unsincere, ....... he/she will pay the price once or double or thrice n it will affect the whole game. marriage is never successful wid just one ingredient. it needs all the ingredient to taste wonderful. when we play game sometime we patiently wait for our turn, sometime we act, sometime we respond e.t.c. the difference is game is played on the basis of win and lose but marriage is played on the basis of win-win


.


> Originally Posted by RAHEN @ Fri Jul 28, 2006 9:10 am
> 
> i have noticed two points in the psyche of lady and gents.
> 1)
> Man marries for love.
> Woman love for marriage.
> 
> 
> And the difference is? 
> ...






> Originally Posted by RAHEN @ Fri Jul 28, 2006 9:10 am
> 
> 2)
> in understanding,love and money mostly both the genders categorize it as
> 
> Man 
> a)understanding
> b)money
> c)love
> ...


based on student of age 17,18,19 survey. and i have also noticed it to be true now also when it comes to categorize.

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## Endurer

Marriage remains the only thing I can't seem to articulate. My face goes impassive as soon as I hear this word, part of which is due to my parent's unsuccessful marriage.

Game? No, thats much of a hyperbole on your part, if you ask me.

As far as that survey is concerned, 17, 18, 19 is not the best of all ages to examine the proportionality of desires. I'd rather do that survey on married couples to see what or how they see marriage AFTER they have tied that nupital knot. You need money in the long run (love, pleasures e.t.c. follow them) for a successful marriage in today's world.

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## Hina87

after thinking it over completely i think money AND love is what u need in a successful marriage. sometimes love isn't enough if u don't have enough money to even put food on ur table and clothes on ur back and vice versa

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## Endurer

Thats more of an optimistic approach. I now salute you for your honesty.  :Smile:

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## RAHEN

> Marriage remains the only thing I can't seem to articulate. My face goes impassive as soon as I hear this word, part of which is due to my parent's unsuccessful marriage.
> 
> Game? No, thats much of a hyperbole on your part, if you ask me.
> 
> As far as that survey is concerned, 17, 18, 19 is not the best of all ages to examine the proportionality of desires. I'd rather do that survey on married couples to see what or how they see marriage AFTER they have tied that nupital knot. You need money in the long run (love, pleasures e.t.c. follow them) for a successful marriage in today's world.



May be it is much of a big talk type to compare a relation wid a game but the truth is i dont find successful marriage around dat i find some knowledge from.so to get knowledge i have to compare it wid something in which i find something a bit alike. even i dont know how successful marriage looks like in todays world all i see is dat  everyone is complaining we dont have dis, we dont have dat. like giving importance to money and when their husband do bring money then those ladies use it lavishly and say u r not a responsible husband when he takes his responsiblity as a husband then they say u dont love me- i mean i dont know sometimes who is right and who is wrong.wat is best and wat is not. i read life of Prophet (P.B.U.H) as a husband and Hazrat khadija (R.A)as a wife to get learn something. and aap ko pata hai jab Prophet(P.B.U.H)ghabra gai the when the first revelation "iqra"descended upon him he directly went to his wife and she supported him wid kind words. also when some people were performing circus Hazrat Ayesha (R.A) wanted to see them so the Prophet (P.B.U.H) stood their for hours wid her dat he got pain but he didnot complain and all was for her beloved wife Hazrat Ayesha(R.A). seeing dis i told dat love is more important than the importance of money. because it makes u reach eachother. money is just a source of living for me- nothing else. but feelings like love,respect, sincerity,acceptance make me feel dat dis is more important. 

i have some Q from 5 married couples and in dat i asked wat is the most important ingredient  dat u want in ur ife partner for marriage and gents said we want sincerity from our wives. and wives said they want honesty,respect from their husband. and when i asked abt love,money,understanding they said it takes time for understanding mostly for newly married couples its normal to take 4 years. and how u behave in dis 4 years or 4+years will tell dat u can u live life wid the same person in the long run.i asked abt money so they said ups and downs come in life. and when i asked abt love they said u cant stay wid someone if u dont love. n when i asked wat is important for successful marriage they said Communication important for successful marriage. dis is wat married couples said when i did a bit of questionaire from them last year.

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## Hina87

> Thats more of an optimistic approach. I now salute you for your honesty.


Thanx  :Smile:  

i've been through a lot, and i know about this topic fairly well.

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## Endurer

Rahen sis I am not denying the importance of love, at the same time I can't deny the importance of money which is vital for any couple to survive. You've just mentioned those materialistic desires, now how can one fulfill those desires without having what it takes to purchase them? Love garnishes a relationship, but it's money which fuels it.

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## Kainaat

> Originally Posted by Kainaat @ Fri Jul 28, 2006 2:06 pm
> 
> Mere khayaal mein understanding ho to zindagi ziaydah asaan ho jaati hai, love aur money ke begair  
> 
> 
> I am glad k app ne apne khiyalat ka izhar kia, per kia waqaye aisa hota hai practical life mein? last movie konsi dekhi thi?


movie nai dekhi koi  :Big Grin: 

main pyar aur paise se ziaydah understanding chahti hoon, living here in DK I do not need a rich husband, I need someone who understands me.

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## Kainaat

> after thinking it over completely i think money AND love is what u need in a successful marriage. sometimes love isn't enough if u don't have enough money to even put food on ur table and clothes on ur back and vice versa


I kinda agree with u, but when many people say money, they don't mean food, they want to live life with all luxuries

Yep, agar aapki basic needs poori nai hoti to pyaar kafi nai, lekin agar aapko roti, kapra makaan mil raha hai to paisa kitna important hai?

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## Hina87

adi bhai asked about living 'comfortably' and my response was to that. if u can't even afford to fulfill basic needs, then it becomes a problem. other than that love triumphs.

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## Kainaat

agree, but maine bhi to yehi kaha na, jab basic needs poori ho to paisa itni ehmiyat nai rakhta

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## RAHEN

> Rahen sis I am not denying the importance of love, at the same time I can't deny the importance of money which is vital for any couple to survive. You've just mentioned those materialistic desires, now how can one fulfill those desires without having what it takes to purchase them? Love garnishes a relationship, but it's money which fuels it.


ok :up;
"Love garnishes a relationship, but it's money which fuels it"- yeh acha quote hai brother endurer.


@kainaat-
Understanding partner mein honi chahiye zuroor honi chahiye warna zindagi ka yeh safar aik stranger ke sath guzarne ke barabar hai. lekin yeh understanding aise nahi hoti. communication se hoti hai. jab aik doosre ko time diya jaye. when u r ready to listen and respond. discuss n not argue .when u r in love u surely have time for ur partner to discuss to learn to know aur isi se yeh pak rishta aage barhta hai.dats wat i think ke communication is very important for a successful marriage.communication hoga to understanding hogi- understanding hogi to ghar ki management ache tareqe se ho sake gi. aur jab ghar ki management hogi tab aik misali family kehlai ja sakti hai. aur yehi to target hai.

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## Endurer

Thank you for the appreciation Rahen sis.  :Smile:

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## RAHEN

aap always welcome brother.

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## glimmering_candle

money n love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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## funlover1425

U need both love and sex to keep your marriage succesful , 
love with out sex wont go for long as one cant survive with out food and sex 
and sex for the sake of sex with no love is just lust ...

the true definition of sex is making love....

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## Endurer

Thank you for the definition funlover. To me, sex does not matter.

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## Nutter

I had a v detailed discussion about it, right here on DT, long time back. Endurer, Kainaat, Rahen and all others NICE JOB!

Well, as Kainaat puts it very precisely and made a valid point as far as money is concerned (as long as you have the basic amenities..so on). So did Endurer   ( Love garnishes a relationship, but it's money which fuels it). What really matters is how much (money) is enough?

I believe very strongly where there's love, miraculous things happen. With love comes everything be it care, understanding or trust.You care to share only if you truly love someone. Love is the basic ingredient in any relationship. Not just that I believe until and unless you are truly in love, the passion that ignites the sex drive dies down sooner or later. 

I'd like to quote Khalil Gibran here..."It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations". 

In short, I believe, you don't need to be on the same wavelength to succeed in marriage. You just need to be able to ride each other's waves.

So I'd say LOVE makes your life worth living for.


God Bless!

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## RAHEN

right :up;
agree with u

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## Nutter

Rahen Thanks! 

I'd like to say something shayad sab log sunyein aur parhein. Kitna accha ho agar aap log bhi apnay opinions/comments/suggestions likha karein, rather than going for one liners! 


Endurer am looking forward for your comments on it! Thanks!

God Bless 'DTwisters'!

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## dsjeya

money is the basis of successful marriage
without moey frustration
frustration leads to separation

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## Atlantic

I think successful marriage is based on many factors: both partners have to have certain qualities. They both should be willing to understand each other's nature, the things they say/do and what's the reason behind it. They have to be wiling to listen to each other and give time to their relationship to develop. They have to support each other, encourage, and make the other person feel comfortable and wanted by the other. They have to respect and trust each other. This is what will lead them to learn to live with each other and hopefluly develop a friendly relationship leading into love and a successful married life. If ther's lack of understanding between the partners it's hard to live ur everyday life -  There has to be strong trust and understanding. Simply, one has to be able to coop with each other by allowing oneself and the other person to speak, understand, appreciate, and develop their reltionship with the partner by trusting and acknowledging their differences and similarities with time.

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## dsjeya

atlantic
true
only if money is there to meet your basic needs u will have time 4 other niceties

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## RAHEN

u r welcome nutty  :Smile: 

ya true. 
when there is love and understanding one/both can work for finance.which in the end makes a successful marriage.

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## Majid

ek stick...biwi ko seedha rakne k leye  :Stick Out Tongue: 


Hopefully hina (Title: Zalim Mod) ko ye post nazar nahi ayegi..agar ussko nazar a gayi tu per shayed kissi ko be nazar na aye  :Big Grin:

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## Atlantic

> atlantic
> true
> only if money is there to meet your basic needs u will have time 4 other niceties


Thank u ~ i see money as a need for the worldy affairs. True, money is needed to live ur daily life needs but it should not be part of ur relationship as to be a cause of a successfull marriage. If you have mutual understanding - u can find comfort in each other and see that when and where money is needed - not to develop happiness between the two people and/or affecting their lives...bt only for their worldy affairs. 
When u have comfort in each other, u see money as another thing of life that only matters for as a part of ur life...bt nt a part of ur reltionship to  be a cause of determing the success of it. If it is a part of ur relationship that determines the understanding between the two - then there could be some serious problems / or on the other hand, when u have comfort and peace of mind, u can find ways to observe patience and find satisfaction through each other ~ in each other if and when money is the concern  :Wink:

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## Trd 4 Me

I think honesty and trust are most important

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