# Bethak - The Desi Lounge > Freedom Castle >  Gender Sexicsm b4 birth

## MsJasmine

I am from a desi culture. I feel that most of the time when people hear about it's a girl. They don't get happy as they should be as they do if it's a boy. Boys are already favored when they are not even born. How many of you feel this way. Now everything is changing... but why when a new couple gets married and the first kid they expect it to be a boy? Leave the american society alone. I am specifically talking about Desi Culture.

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## RAHEN

well yes i m finding this difference in majority of the homes ... and in our desi homes it is thought and believed that beti ko doosre ghar jana hai...aur old age mein beta sahara banega...possibly this is one of the reason k mostly ppl beta chahte hain ...aur bete ko dad ka right hand bhi kaha jata hai...aur dad ki gair maujudgi mein usse sari zimedari bahar ki di jati hai... aur shayad yehi wajah hai k ...beta pehle manga jata hai ALLAH se...
and jasmine..."bete k liye woh khushi nahi hoti jo bete k liye hoti hai "... and i think that is obvious kyunki both are individual...and dono ki upbringing mein bhi changes hain...but i must say u...mana bete k liye dua ki jati hai...lekin ghar mein khushi beti ki he wajah se hoti hai...see in those homes jahan bete hain lekin beti nahi hai...wahan log taraste hain...k kash hummari aik beti hoti kyunki beti se ghar mein raunak hai... :Smile:

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## Endurer

I have felt the same quite a few times when my cousins gave birth to a baby girl. They were not really excited, or at least as excited as they would be if it were a boy.

Unfortunately some of us are still living in the medieval era.

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## Khamoshi

I dun want to sound proud or anything but i have seen none of this beta thing in our family. My brother has two little boys aur jitni oon ki khushi ki gae hai uthni hi tab ki gae jab meri bahen ke ghar beti huey thi. Mere abu kehte hein ke beti jab hoti hai tho humaare nabi paak ka salaam aata hai.

The reason people do not want a daughter is because of their "izzat" larke kuch kar jaaein tho faraq nahin parta agar beti kare gi tho saari umar is baat ka taana suna pare ga. 

Also maa baap ko rishte ki pershaani hoti hai..humaare muhaashre mein jaheyz ka tho trend khatam hone ka naam nahin lete. 

These factors are the reasons why a "beti" is not favoured over a "beta"

In my opinion it does not matter beti ho ya beta..but i would like a balance of girl and boy..the ideal family  :Smile:

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## RAHEN

yes beti jab hoti hai tau Propher Muhammad (PBUH) ka salam aata hai..aur 3 par tau jannat bhi hai...Shukar al hamdALLAH...

thats great to know that ur family is free from all this..education developed them...but this thing is mostly found in asian countries...today also and i think in large no...

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## Sporadic

Main sub logon ki baton se sehmat hoon, lekin main aik apni rai daina chahoonga. k y ppl not get happy as when a girl is born as a boy is born. Larkiyon ne doosray ghar jana hota hai, bus unk naseebon say darr aata hai, aur yeh khayal hota hai k Allah unk naseed achay karay aur woh apne ghar main khush rahain. Bus aur koyee baat nahi hoti, balk larkiyan larkon say zyada maa baap say pyar laiti hain. Baap larke ki ghalati per usko dant daitay hain, martay hain, lekin ladki ki ghalati per aisa nahi kiya jata. balk usko pyar se samjhaya jata hai. 

I dont think k logon ko ladki ki paidaish per itni khushi nahi hoti jitni ladkay ki. infact parents usko show nahi kartay  :Smile:

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## Miss_Sweet

Humare haan to aisa nahi howa hai...Jab main paida howi thi to sabko bohat bohat khushi howi thi coz there were NO baby girls in our family ... islie... and iam the eldest. 

Leiken i think yeh sabkuch bohat purana ho chuka hai...jo parhe likhein hain woh aisa nai karte hain...aajkal to betian ziada sahara banti hai maa baap ka larko se... 

Par kisi ke khayal alag hote hain...example...humare gaoon mein koi hai jisne apni biwi ko talaq de di thi juz becoz of they got a daughter!!!pata nai kya sochte hain...betian bhi to ALLAH ki dein hain...aur isme kisi ka kya kasoor...Jo ALLAH chahta hai wohi hota hai...Aur Betian to ghar ki rehmat hoti hain :Smile:

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## friendlygal786

Well, that is true that our culture and people from eastern countries place more importance on males than females and prefer them. However, our family, our khaandaan is not this way. And I think now wat's happening is that people realizing this as time passes and people are a bit more advanced. A boy and girl each hav their own identity...boys for being help financially to the family, taking after the family name...and girls for bringing rehmat and respect to the home and taking care of parents. I kno som families who hav only sons and no daughter who wish they could hav a daughter, so basically it's a matter of one's thinking. People back in PAK and other countries in the east hav a different mindset

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## Khamoshi

> yes beti jab hoti hai tau Propher Muhammad (PBUH) ka salam aata hai..aur 3 par tau jannat bhi hai...Shukar al hamdALLAH...
> 
> thats great to know that ur family is free from all this..education developed them...but this thing is mostly found in asian countries...today also and i think in large no...


Sis a lot of people are still holding on to this cheap thought and yes education is a big thing in my family. MashAllah neary everyone has a degree of some or another. But ur right there is some extended family who have this view..Beta hua hai...yahooooooooo.. ji beti huey hai  :Frown: 

Mai tho kehti hoon ke insaan par nahin hota..jab hum beti ke hone par afsos karte hein tho samajh lein ke khuda ki zaat ko kahe rahe hein. Jo jese peyda hota hai ooski raza se hota hai...

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## friendlygal786

ya u r rite khamoshi sis..we r disrespecting God..uski marzi hoti hai har baat main aur har cheez hone main koi waja hoti hai

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## AaDi

> I am from a desi culture. I feel that most of the time when people hear about it's a girl. They don't get happy as they should be as they do if it's a boy. Boys are already favored when they are not even born. How many of you feel this way. Now everything is changing... but why when a new couple gets married and the first kid they expect it to be a boy? Leave the american society alone. I am specifically talking about Desi Culture.


Well I can sense the end is near .. the reason was beta ho ga toh maan baap ka sahara banay ga .. larki ho gi toh jahaiz ka rolaaa .. per the way things are progressing (jaidad ke peeche mar peet, parents ko ghar se nikal daina, beton ki biwiyon ke nakhre, etc), i think in about 10-20 years time, it would be the other way around.

Aik baat koi manay ya nah manay .. per I'm pretty sure its true .. jis tarhan desi larkikyan apne parents ka khayal rakhti hain .. koi nahi rekhta .. not even bete .. its something to do with the way women are made .. caring and loving .. no guy can beat dat  :Stick Out Tongue:  we guyz are supposed to be rough and tough  :Wink: 

as for mere ghar ka mahol .. girlz are considered rehmut .. cuz mere abu ka manna hai .. larkiyan ghar main aaein toh Allah ki rehmut aati hai .. cuz larkiyan apnay hissay ki roti naseeb main lati hain .. so unhein bojh samjhna ghalat hai .. aur kya pata unki wajeh se he humein khanay ko milti hai .. and i agree to ma dad over this ..

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## Khamoshi

Useless aapne dil khush kardia hai...MashAllah bahut ache views hein aapke aur uncle ke bi  :Smile:

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## AaDi

> Useless aapne dil khush kardia hai...MashAllah bahut ache views hein aapke aur uncle ke bi


well it may sound weird but it is true .. weneva ma sisters want to go out .. like pizza khanay .. ya even movie dekhne jana ho .. mere halaat kitne bhi tight hon .. kahein nah kahein se .. kisi nah kisi tarhan mujhe paise mil jatay hain .. so in situations like these .. emaan khud ba khud change ho jata hai chahye jaisa bhi ho  :Wink:

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## Khamoshi

> well it may sound weird but it is true .. weneva ma sisters want to go out .. like pizza khanay .. ya even movie dekhne jana ho .. mere halaat kitne bhi tight hon .. kahein nah kahein se .. kisi nah kisi tarhan mujhe paise mil jatay hain .. so in situations like these .. emaan khud ba khud change ho jata hai chahye jaisa bhi ho


Well it's good ke aap apni baheno ke liyeh itna kar rahe hein..mere papa kehte hein na ..baheno aur betio ki kismat kisi ne dekhi nahin hoti. Maa baap ke ghar mein itna piyar mile aur keya chahyeh ?

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## Bored4life

i agree with rahen bhai

because when desi's expect a boy, they expect a future of carelessness, and that when they grow old they have a support

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