# Bethak - The Desi Lounge > Freedom Castle >  Hitting The Wife..

## *Fatima*

What is the Islamic ruling on disciplining the wife..

When does the need arise to hit her.. is it islamically allowed to inflict pain on her in any circumstance..??

Can the wife obtain khula on the basis that she has been physically hurt by her husband??

Brothers where do you draw the line??

When does wife disciplining become necessary??

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## dsjeya

hitting is a sign of weakness
just hit a dog and expect affection and see
refusing to eat is a much better way

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## SHIRENE

It's against Islam to strike a woman....and it says so in the Holy Quran.  

Personally..I'm dead against hitting a woman or even a man.:td:  (some women do hit their husbands..hard to believe but its true.) 

The Quran states that men and women have equal rights, but a bunch of men got together and came up with their own version of rules and regulations, in which women don't have any rights. A strong man can discipline his wife with words, not hands, and vice verse.  If couples learn to compromise and communicate better there won't be a reason for violence.

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## dsjeya

hitting is an offence

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## Nutter

AoA!

The topic needs very carful handling and any false statements would lead us go astray. And my request to Shirene is, before saying anything like this i.e. Shirene wrote ..." It's against Islam to strike a woman....and it says so in the Holy Quran " kindly quote authentic hadith or verse from the Holy Qur'an. Don't just say it.

As for the Question "What is the Islamic ruling on disciplining the wife....disciplining become necessary".

The hadith in Muslim states that the Prophet  in his Farewell Pilgrimage said: "Lo! My last recommendation to you is that you should TREAT WOMEN WELL. Truly they are your helpmates, and you have no right over them beyond that - EXCEPT IF THEY COMMIT A MANIFEST INDECENCY (fahisha mubina = adultery). If they do, then refuse to share their beds and beat them WITHOUT INDECENT VIOLENCE. Then, if they obey you, do not show them hostility any longer. Lo! you have a right over your women and they have a right over you. Your right over your women is that they not allow whom you hate to enter your bed nor your house. While their right over them is that you treat them excellently in their garb and provision."


After this, whatever Muslim man derogates to the recommendation of the Prophet  has violated his covenant with the Prophet  and shall be called to account for it; and whoever of the non-Muslim men or women claims - even the Archbishop of Canterbury and his wife - that beating women is allowed in Islam, has belied the Divine witness invoked by the Prophet  and shall be called to account for it in the Divine Court.

Al-Razi (3:222) mentions that as a rule (a) it must be a light beating and (b) the face must be avoided. He added that certain of the Shafi`i jurists said "a coiled scarf (mindil malfuf) (NB: NOT "a folded handkerchief" as mistranslated by Asad) or his hand may be used but not a whip nor a stick."


When does the need arise?

Disobedience, violation of marital duties on the part of the wife etc. ( Please refer Hadiths or an Aalim for further details).

And Allah Most High knows best! Blessings and peace of Allah on the Prophet, his Family, and his Companions.


P.S. Do not be misled by the Satanic whispers of many sites on internet. Before referring to any sites make sure they are authentic, genuine and not misleading or run by the crafty anti-Islamic organisations.

Assalaamo Alaikum!

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## Nutter

AoA!

Indeed all praises are due to Allah, the Most Beneficent the Most Merciful; we send the blessings and peace of Allah upon the Prophet of Allah.


As for "Can the wife obtain khula on the basis that she has been physically hurt by her husband??" Kindly check the following link:

http://www.alarqam.com/alarqam/en/opinion/Khul.php

Hope it will answer your question. May Alah shower His blessings on you and all of us..ameen!

Assalamo Alaikum!

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## dsjeya

nutter
can wife beat her husband if husband is unfaithful

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## SHIRENE

I was gonna ask the same question?  :Big Grin:  

dsjeyaji u took the words right out of my mouth. :ye;

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## SHIRENE

What if a husband committed adultery, can the wife beat him, can she stone him and behead him?
Can she publicly humiliate him?  Why is the women stoned to death while the men she commits adultery with gets a slap on the wrist? 

Why are women  punished in this manner, I'll tell u why b'coz men came up with this idea not Allah.  I'm sorry but I strongly oppose this rule and just coz I don't agree with it, it doesn't mean I'm influenced by "Satanic whispers of other sites on internet".


If you have time please visit this site:
http://www.imanway.com/site/en/islam61.htm

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## *Fatima*

> nutter
> can wife beat her husband if husband is unfaithful


Good question i lyk it

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## dsjeya

if men fearing god decide not to exploit  sexualy any woman other than his wife no adultery,no illicit sex
in india woman r thrown into mens funeral fire but not viceversa (sati)
after her death she is worshiped what 4
thank u,i have 2 married daughters,i want them to be treated with honour and dignity
thank u shiriene and fatima
kudos to shirine

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## SHIRENE

thanx dsjeyaji, but I think some people don't like my opinions. They want to delete my postings. And frankly I don't want to be a member of a forum where I can't express my feelings freely. So maybe this will be my last posting. I had fun at Desi Twist while it lasted. Bye.... take care

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## dsjeya

your opinion r in tune with modern times,u r such a nice person,i will definitely miss u,take care

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## manni9

> Why is the women stoned to death while the men she commits adultery with gets a slap on the wrist?


Well i don't know the other stuff but if a man commits adultery he gets the same punishments like a women.

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## dsjeya

manni how many men r punished 4 adultery

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## murali614

It is really Bad

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## Majid

> What if a husband committed adultery, can the wife beat him, can she stone him and behead him?
> Can she publicly humiliate him?  Why is the women stoned to death while the men she commits adultery with gets a slap on the wrist?


Punishment for adultery of married person(male/female) is stoning to death, and for unmarried persons(male/female) is 100 lashes and one year of exile. You can read the sharia Law for for different situations and conditions  :Smile:  




> manni how many men r punished 4 adultery


 by dsjeya

You need to check the Islmic History from start till now   :Big Grin:

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## manni9

> manni how many men r punished 4 adultery


Well let me say it's human's mistake,nothing to do with Islam  :Smile:

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## Be happy Keep smiling

I completely agree with Dsjeya and Shirene. Hitting is not only an offence, but it is a complete sign of weakness. Even if the wife does commit a mistake, There are many other  ways that a man can resort to , to make it known to her.

I dont know what Islam or for that matter any other religion says, But like Shirene, I too am personally against any form of physical abuse.

If a woman commits adultery, and the husband is hurt because of it, he can decide to opt out of their relationship, or get into a talk with her about it.. Hitting is no way to get around such a thing.So many men commit adultery, How many of them would like "a light beating" from their wives ??

Disobedience and violation of marital duties is simply no excuse to hit your spouse, is it ?What exactly is disobedience here? 
Times have changed, men expect their wives to go out, earn , contribute to the family income in addition to performing her homely duties.
And then do you really expect the woman to put up with physical abuse just because she has disobeyed you  ? We need to get along with the times .

As manni says very rightly, All this has nothing to do with Islam, it all boils down to human behaviour . There are many other things which are preached by religious books, for example, Drinking is a vice.
Tell me, how many men follow that ? 
Mankind tends to ignore the teachings which are hard for them to follow, and embrace the ones that are easy..

I admire DSjeya's views .. Cheers !  :applaud; 

How many of you would like to see your daughters  or sisters beaten up by their husbands for a mistake they have committed.
Remember , to err is human, to forgive divine .

As for Shirene, I dont know who wanted to delete her post..but I would like to say that this is a healthy debate going on, Please dont take it personally. If you dont agree with someones views, please go on and defend yourself,Deleting posts is not going to help ! Please dont get anyone to leave the forum this way !!

I myself, dont wish to offend the feelings of any member here or any religion. I respect every religion , every race and every human . So Please forgive me, if any of you has felt otherwise .

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## manni9

Simi jee you re trying to say that time has changed so religon should be changed??Sorry it don't makes ny sence to me.
Well lot of ppl don't get seprated cauz of children.Well i am also not in the favour of beating n stuff but sometimes there should be some Boundries(for each man n women).

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## Majid

"Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all). If you fear a breach between them twain, appoint (two) arbiters, one from his family and the other from hers. If they wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation; for Allah has full knowledge and is acquainted with all things." (An-Nisa': 34-35) 

Thats what the quran says, beating (slap on face is not allowed) can be used as last option to avoid divorce.

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## dsjeya

beating is one of the options,but an educated man
can refrain from using it 
a woman will not commit adultery in oneday
mostly to get attention and affection she sacrifices her body
thank u simi 4 your appreciation

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## dsjeya

majid friend
i did not start this topic
as a goverment doctor i have seen 100 of cases of beatings by husbands,leading to death,permanent disability,sufferings and mental depression.
sometimes it is so pathetic
i am not against any religion

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## Majid

dsjeya! Its already mentioned in the above verse that beating should be symbolic.There are some authentic ahadees (saying of prophet PBUH)  about that.

 similarly in last words a strong warning is given to the men that they must remember that if they unjustly resort to means of annoyance and show of strength, then God Almighty is Most High, Great and Strongest above all to take to task the wrong-doer.

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## Be happy Keep smiling

> Simi jee you re trying to say that time has changed so religon should be changed??Sorry it don't makes ny sence to me.
> Well lot of ppl don't get seprated cauz of children.Well i am also not in the favour of beating n stuff but sometimes there should be some Boundries(for each man n women).


No manni bhai, I did not say that ..
I have said before, there are many other preachings too..But why do people ignore them?? Only because man's outlook towards life has changed with the times..And he basically does what he wants to ..
You say that many people dont get separated because of children . Tell me which is better, getting separated and explaining it to the children in a proper way, or beating your wife in front of your children?

Anyway, if you do resort to beating, what effect will it have on your relationship?
It is better to get divorced rather than be in a strained relationship and put up with physical abuse, which in turn has a bad effect on children.

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## *Fatima*

> if men fearing god decide not to exploit  sexualy any woman other than his wife no adultery,no illicit sex
> in india woman r thrown into mens funeral fire but not viceversa (sati)
> after her death she is worshiped what 4
> thank u,i have 2 married daughters,i want them to be treated with honour and dignity
> thank u shiriene and fatima
> kudos to shirine


ur welocme

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## Nutter

AoA!

Nice to see lot of people coming up with their perspectives and ideas. 

So far am only reading, trying to figure out whatever these beautiful people are saying. And Majid jazak'Allah for making valid points in the light of Qur'an and Ahadees.

By the way Shirene you haven't justified yourself yet @"It's against Islam to strike a woman....and it says so in the Holy Quran." Where does it says so in Qur'an bhai? 

I want you to read thsi again a verse from Qur'an as posted by Majid.... " Allah would have them to guard. As to those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance); for Allah is most High and Great (above you all)" Surah An 'Nisa Verse 34. And for how lightly it should be? There are many authentic Ahadees about it. 

Simi have raised some questions " Drinking is a vice. Tell me, how many men follow that ? there are many other preachings too..But why do people ignore them." Very good questions Simi. I definitely will come to your questions soon.

For the time being, am off! 
May Allah Subhan'aw Ta'alah shower His blessings on all of us and guide us...Ameen!



P.S.I've nothing on my mind Majid bhai:P. Nutter here  :Smile:  No Mind! No Attitude!!

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## dsjeya

dear friend nutter
 sorry to hear that u have no mind
whether it is sanctioned or not by quran is not the point, do u justify wife beating
what if husband goes awry,any remedy 4 the wife 
except gods displeasure with him

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## Majid

> whether it is sanctioned or not by quran is not the point, do u justify wife beating


Well question was what islam says about it, and in some cases both wife and husband needs some good beating   :Big Grin:  




> what if husband goes awry,any remedy 4 the wife


awry is a raw word, please explain what do you wanna say..  :Smile:

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## Be happy Keep smiling

Majid Bhai and Nutter, It is clear now that Islam and the holy Quran both justify it.
We want to know your personal opinions on the matter.

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## dsjeya

woman r nolonger considered chatels
they r humanbeings
marriage is contract both should abide by conditions imporant -faithfulness
but one party is allowed to have his own way
the other party woman will be physicaly harmed
for gods sake don't ill treat your wife

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## Nutter

AoA! Hi!

Nice to see this topic is still on. Firstly congratulations to Fatima for bringing in such a topic, which turn into a hot debate. Congrats!

Yea Dsjeya I have no mind coz I don't think, I just cant. Actually I say watvr I believe in. And bhai baray adab se @Dsjeya aapki baatein zara mujahy kam samajh ati hain..With due respect to you, I really dont understand aap jo bhi likhtay hain ..doesnt make much sense to me!

Majid Bhai kisi ki leg pull karna acchi baat nahi hai :P you know what am talking about  :Wink: .

Simi I'm a very religious chap *blushing* and eveything is v well mentioned/explained in Islam. Definitely I wont beat my wife..NO WAY! Talaq/Divorce is halal/lawful..but I wont divorce my wife under any circumstances. What I'm trying to say is very simple if you could understand. 

P. S. Majid bhai looking forward for your views/comments on my post!

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## dsjeya

thank u nutter,4  saying that u won't beat your wife
if everybody vows to do the same woman will smile and thank god
 u r hurt by any of my jokes i appologise nutter
kudos to fatima,shirine,and courageous simi

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## Nutter

AoA! Hi!

Hey Dsjeya! No need to apologise Bhai! You and I and others were only posting their views and ideas about the whole thing. It was one topic I really and thoroughly enjoyed posting. Thanks to everyone for coming up and joining in. Peace!

God Bless! Take care!

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## dsjeya

thank u nutter
god bless u

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## Be happy Keep smiling

> thank u nutter,4  saying that u won't beat your wife
> if everybody vows to do the same woman will smile and thank god
>  u r hurt by any of my jokes i appologise nutter
> kudos to fatima,shirine,and courageous simi


Thanks Dsjeya ji   :Smile:  





> AoA! Hi!
> 
> Definitely I wont beat my wife..NO WAY!


Good to hear that Nutter ! That's just what we wanted to hear  :Smile: 

Men like Dsjeya and you can make the world a better place .  :up;

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## Nutter

AoA! Hi!

You wanted to hear that *hain* 

Simi wrote : "Men like Dsjeya and you can make the world a better place".....As the saying goes...Age is honorable and youth is noble! He's 56 and am 71 :P Old Is Gold :blush:

Thanks Simi  :Smile:

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## Be happy Keep smiling

> AoA! Hi!
> 
> You wanted to hear that *hain* 
> 
> Simi wrote : "Men like Dsjeya and you can make the world a better place".....As the saying goes...Age is honorable and youth is noble! He's 56 and am 71 :P Old Is Gold :blush:
> 
> Thanks Simi


U r welcome   :Big Grin:

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## dsjeya

thanks nutter and simi
credit goes to shirine and fatima too

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## Be happy Keep smiling

Has Shirene really left the forum??   :Frown:

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## RAHEN

I didnt mean it

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Published on: Wednesday, 27th July, 2005 | Permanent Link | no responses 


A businessman killed his wife after beating her non-stop for 30 minutes, it was reported yesterday. Al Khaleej quoted a responsible source from Abu Dhabi Police saying that the man arrived home from work last Saturday night at around 10.30 pm to find his wife leaning over the balcony of the apartment where he and his two wives live.

The man reportedly raced into the flat, in the department of water neighbourhood,  and began hitting the 20-year-old woman. He beat her until the victim lay on the ground not moving.

He then called paramedics. They arrived at the scene to find the woman dead. The paramedics called the police, who arrested the husband. I did not mean to kill her, the man told police at the scene. I always beat both my wives. I never imagined that beating her would lead to her death.

I only wanted to punish her. The surviving wife told police: I tried to push him away from herbut he beat us together. The man is charged with beating until death and his case has been referred to the public prosecution

This is taken from news link
http://www.7days.ae/2005/07/27/i-didn-t-mean-it.html

educated man also beat their wife just for nothing and the woman who died waz just 20. 
another one seen on tv
A lebanese couple did love marriage and just after their 4 weeks of marriage he started beating her for no reason and then he started beating her because he wanted her to do things which is haram  in shariah. so she wid the help of her brother managed to get divorce from him widin 1 year.

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## dsjeya

we have to educate and covince men not to beat there wife
a woman inspector must check 4 home violence 
in india all woman police stations r there and men dread them
thank u rahen 4 your post

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## RAHEN

My pleasure Dsjeya

This tip is good "a woman inspector must check 4 home violence " of urs i will write in the feedback of Department of police. InshaAllah

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## dsjeya

thank u rahen
i don't know how muslim clergics react

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## Whitegirl Married 2 India

Im not Asian, but domestic violence effects all races and religions

no woman or man should have to endure abuse, be it permitted in islam or whatever culture dictates, i thought we'd moved on past the caveman days..

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## mytonse

The main problem is the degraded situation of women elssewhere!!!

Men and society still consider women  as toys to play and throw!!

until we the people dnt take it on our part to be generous on our actions ,no law no padre can help u s!!

This is a serious situation!!

The best way as i feel to eliminate this is to have a regular checkup..but u see this impractical..
there would be no big organisation to cover every house in the corner!!

but yet some might be curbed  !!

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## dsjeya

educate to treat woman as humanbeings

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## freakyfiroz

> What is the Islamic ruling on disciplining the wife..
> 
> When does the need arise to hit her.. is it islamically allowed to inflict pain on her in any circumstance..??
> 
> Can the wife obtain khula on the basis that she has been physically hurt by her husband??
> 
> Brothers where do you draw the line??
> 
> When does wife disciplining become necessary??


In my opinion only losers hit their wives or women..
I think people can use their tongue instead of hands and feet..
tats y i call them losers those who cant...

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## dsjeya

woman r your partners not slaves u bought

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## Endurer

Why do you keep saying that again and again? I don't see one person who has confessed anything that justifies whatever you're saying friend.

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## ChiCa

hitting another human in any religion is uncalled for.

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## Khawar

Assalam o Alaikum

hmm nice discussion going on.
 well, i agree with everyone who has qouted Surah Al-Nisa, but unfortunatly the way they qouted it, and in the end said "so u wana disobey God" left a very negative effect on our sisters or comparatively less knowledgeable brothers.

i will try my best to completely elaborate verse number 34 of Surah Alnisa that talks about beating a women insha Allah

The ayah says :
"[4:34] The men are made responsible for the women, ** and GOD has endowed them with certain qualities, and made them the bread earners. The righteous women will cheerfully accept this arrangement, since it is GOD's commandment, and honor their husbands during their absence. If you experience rebellion from the women, you shall first talk to them, then (you may use negative incentives like) deserting them in bed, then you may (as a last alternative) beat them. If they obey you, you are not permitted to transgress against them. GOD is Most High, Supreme."


*4:34 God prohibits wife-beating by using the best psychological approach. For example, if I don't want you to shop at Market X, I will ask you to shop at Market Y, then at Market Z, then, as a last resort, at Market X. This will effectively stop you from shopping at Market X, without insulting you. Similarly, God provides alternatives to wife-beating; reasoning with her first, then employing certain negative incentives. Remember that the theme of this sura is defending the women's rights and countering the prevalent oppression of women. Any interpretation of the verses of this sura must be in favor of the women. This sura's theme is "protection of women."
**4:34 This expression simply means that God is appointing the husband as "captain of the ship." Marriage is like a ship, and the captain runs it after due consultation with his officers. A believing wife readily accepts God's appointment, without mutiny.


simple  :Smile:  isnt it subhaan Allah
if anyone doesn understand it pls leme know, i will try again  :Smile:  insha allah

and a request to all brothers, whenever there is a issue regarding men and women equality, please be extra carefull, cuz ur tone might change all the meanings  :Smile:

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## dsjeya

why not allow a karate trained woman to beat wayward husband ?

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