# Bethak - The Desi Lounge > Love & Relationships >  arranged marriage

## dsjeya

equally educated,equally career driven and brought up with equal love and care by the parents,why are women subjected to inspection by prospective inlaws just because the man once happened to be a stronger gender?
3 types of arranged marriages
1.imperative
2.preventive
3.compulsive
to be continued:heart;

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## dsjeya

imperative
when the girl is 20-something,good looking graduate (not professionaly qualified),homely yet modern and has failed to find one herself,mom and dad consult aunties and find a groom

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## HOP3_L3SS

things are changing. arranged marriages are not what they once were. now mostly parents are the source of introduction. guy and girl meet, talk, however they want to and see if they click. the decision is totally upto the couple. 
i dont know what part of the world you live in...but most of the arranged marriages i've seen...it's not JUST the girl showing herself
do you know the kind of questions thrown at men?
doesnt the GUY have to be on his best behavior? because he has an EQUAL chance of rejection?

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## dsjeya

[quote="HOP3_L3SS, post: 389800"]things are changing. arranged marriages are not what they once were. now mostly parents are the source of introduction. guy and girl meet, talk, however they want to and see if they click. the decision is totally upto the couple. 
[joke of the century
in a muslim family in india it does not happen
even during marriage  bride sits in a separate enclosure
tying of knots done by a female relative of groom
thank god they r allowed to meet in the first night!!!

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## dsjeya

Preventive
 a girl in the final year of professional education,likely to be employed with a handsome salary anytime can bring a groom from any religion or cast
parents hurriedly arrange a marriage often ending in disaster

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## Endurer

> Originally Posted by HOP3_L3SS, post: 389800
> 
> things are changing. arranged marriages are not what they once were. now mostly parents are the source of introduction. guy and girl meet, talk, however they want to and see if they click. the decision is totally upto the couple.
> 
> 
> [joke of the century
> in a muslim family in india it does not happen
> even during marriage bride sits in a separate enclosure
> tying of knots done by a female relative of groom
> thank god they r allowed to meet in the first night!!!


I've heard that it gets even worse for Hindu families. Is it true that the indian girl has to sing, dance, move 360 degrees in front of her prospective inlaws? Or is it just bollywood?

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## dsjeya

what endurer says about bride searching in hindu families is correct to certain extent
do u accept my post about muslim marriage in india

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## dsjeya

Compulsive
the girl is a professional,employed earning a handsome salary,sexually active but not selected a groom,parents step in and arrange a marriage before she becomes too old

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## dsjeya

the bridegroom was bought
a rich muslim marriage in india

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## HOP3_L3SS

maybe all the muslims YOU know come from some retarded backgrounds practicing CULTURE on the name of RELIGION
please dsjeya...learn to differentiate between the two =)




> the bridegroom was bought
> a rich muslim marriage in india


good for em  :Wink:

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## dsjeya

hop don't u envy the jewelary shop bride

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## EntangleDesi

> things are changing. arranged marriages are not what they once were. now mostly parents are the source of introduction. guy and girl meet, talk, however they want to and see if they click. the decision is totally upto the couple. 
> i dont know what part of the world you live in...but most of the arranged marriages i've seen...it's not JUST the girl showing herself
> do you know the kind of questions thrown at men?
> doesnt the GUY have to be on his best behavior? because he has an EQUAL chance of rejection?


And even before having a face to face introduction with one another both the female and the male have a chance to say no if they don't want to meet the other person. 
Arranged marriages are not forced upon these days nor or they a way to get rid of a daughter or son because they are too old for the market or have done things to make them neligible.

The guy has much of the same chances of being rejected as the girl because of his behavior/ background.





> in a muslim family in india it does not happen
> even during marriage bride sits in a separate enclosure
> tying of knots done by a female relative of groom
> _thank god they r allowed to meet in the first night_!!!


wow..that's just low.

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## dsjeya

may be in elite families

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## EntangleDesi

No. Not at all. It's quite the norm these days.

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## dsjeya

a bangladesh female doctor working in u.k wanted marry a gentleman from another religion ,deceived to come back to bangladesh,drugged and forcifully married to gentleman of same religion
her friend filed a complaint with uk polce,the doctor rescued and returned to uk

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## HOP3_L3SS

^^ poor woman =(

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## dsjeya

thank u friend hop

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## jocoolguy

very bore topic...

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## mumtazconair

Muslim marriages are mostly in a (islamically)lawful  way. If the child has gone out of the limits then they force, or if they arrange a marriage, both the boy and girl should see each other..they can even talk in presence of a family member. Yes, i agree they are many ignorant people who follow non of the islamic protocol, and only those flow in the news, because all those who are religiously committed do not come into picture and they are not proofs like the photograph shown above. I agree to hop3_l3ss that people mix culture and religion which has no slot in Islam.

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## dsjeya

there r people who violate their religious prctices
number of muslim young men consume alcohol
hindus consume beef

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## Vibhaa

I completely agree with both HOP3_L3SS as well as EntangleDesi. I don't know what happens in the villages of India but in towns and cities, parents spend all their earnings on their children's education and well being...Its difficult to even imagine that once those kids reach marriageable age, parents would force them to get married to someone of thier choice even if the kids are not comfortable with the matrimonial match. While parental consent for love marriages is still not forthcoming (and often is acquired after a lot of melodrama), yet both girls and boys are given space to arrive at their own opinions on matrimonial issues. How else would you explain the phenomenal use of matrimonial websites??? One just needs to visit these sites once to know that even parents register their children's profile for finding the best life partner for their kids.

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## dsjeya

change for rich and educated

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## MizsAddiction

[quote="HOP3_L3SS, post: 390300"]maybe all the muslims YOU know come from some retarded backgrounds practicing CULTURE on the name of RELIGION
please dsjeya...learn to differentiate between the two =)


LOL, spoke my mind 
its funny how the muslim families in india are from that background 
arranged marriages are certainly not what they used to be 
and even the definitions you provided for the various categories aren 't concise .. because everyone marries under different circumstances
couples meeting on wedding days, is rare ... in our society
you might throw some extreme cases at me, im speaking from trends
everyone has a different overall background 
but as far as the societal trends go, things are changing 
the sooner everyone accepts it, the better =)

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## dsjeya

Arranged marriages 

As most young Western couples select their own marriage partners, the arranged marriage appears odd and outdated to them. Although most Muslim marriages are arranged even today this does not mean that marriages are forced upon young people. What it does mean is that parents and senior relatives often discuss various possibilities, yet all the while consulting the person involved. This allows them, over a period of time, to assess the weaknesses and strengths of the future partner. In Islam both partners must clearly and before witnesses agree to be married; no one can be coerced into marriage. Usually marriages take place within the extended family or even the same ethnic or tribal group. It is difficult in such marriages for husbands to be mean or cruel to their wives because husband and wife are related and such behaviour would cause adverse comment in the family. After all the uncles and aunts of the wife would also be the uncles and aunts of the husband. Arranged marriages are perhaps one of the reasons why Muslim marriages are so stable. There are few comparative statistics but many young Muslims even in the West enthusiastically support the notion of arranged marriages, particularly in the light of the high statistics of divorce in the West.  

Are arranged marriages still viable among Muslims living in Western societies or highly Westernized families in Muslim cities? We already hear of more divorce cases in this generation than in the previous one. Is this a trend? If so, will the trend spread to the more traditional rural areas also? Does it indicate a breakdown of the arranged marriage system? These are questions that need to be addressed by all Muslims today.

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## MizsAddiction

kay thats better

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## dsjeya

thank u,
treat girls equaly

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## SamDouson

*hi friend's*

hello friend's:
your topic is very nice.i am totally agree with you...
today love & marriage definition is not a good human being...
the definition is totally change a handsome income,bike,car's & money is the definition of love.girls like those thing's...:cry:

love and relationship

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## Flower123

Things and age are changing. arranged marriages are not what they once were. now mostly parents are the source of introduction. guy and girl meet, talk, however they want to and see if they click. the decision is totally upto the couple. 
i dont know what part of the world you live in...but most of the arranged marriages i've seen...it's not JUST the girl showing herself
do you know the kind of questions thrown at men

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## coldbisleri

interesting...

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## Heather

I believe in arranged marriage rather than love marriage.Arrange marriage is more successful.

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## dsjeya

arranged marriages r a relic of past

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## RAHEN

for me now...
love or arrange is not the issue... :Big Grin: 
but during these months...i have realized...that its the commitment that one keeps and respects...and especially what matters is how long one can walk happily and satisfied with one another...

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## Tulip

true that rahen.

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## dsjeya

in this fast food era arranged marriages r difficult to suceed
a nurse in my clinic is well versed in chriket than me
she will expect her would be also intrested in chriket
many young girls have favourite heroes
they expect their would to resemble him
so arranged marriage will fall apart
thank u for posting rahen and tulip

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## Tulip

Don't you think in love marriages people expect much more from each other?

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## dsjeya

> Don't you think in love marriages people expect much more from each other?


that is the achilles heel in love marriage
love marriage-u buy a ready made dress after trial
arranged marriage-u buy a ready made dress without trying it
u may not like the dress after some time anyway
am i correct  friend Tulip

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## Endurer

> that is the achilles heel in love marriage
> love marriage-u buy a ready made dress after trial
> arranged marriage-u buy a ready made dress without trying it
> u may not like the dress after some time anyway
> am i correct  friend Tulip


So, based on your conclusion, one should avoid arranged marriage like a plague because of the dress issue?

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## dsjeya

arranged marriage is ok if the girl is not educated,confined  to the house
for educated,employed girls of modern society

\it  is a last chice

it is the only choice
thank u endurer for conservative socities

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## Endurer

Why thank me? I am not an advocate for marriages of any kind  :Big Grin:  

The society in general needs to shift it's attitude. Subcontinent is full of hypocrites on both sides of the border.

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## dsjeya

ok friend endurer

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## jasikajohnson

Arranged marriage is best because your parents find a life-partner for you and after a marriage you know a how the person and if some problem occur then all family member help you to solve and your marriage-life be a  successful is a nice you do a arranged marriage.

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## tomma

no way man, forget about marriage, be bachelor as much as u can  :Smile:

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## dsjeya

thank u tomma,jashika,mayurya

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## morsejoc

I think the main reason why arranged marriages continues in India because of the traditional roles of men and women are responsible for creating healthier attitudes and gender relations. It is a culture based on the repression of natural instincts to be held, causing severely underdeveloped social skills when dealing with the opposite sex ..

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