# Bethak - The Desi Lounge > Love & Relationships >  Are Long Distance Marriage-Relationships Risky?

## Atlantic

Hello everyone,

It is a very common phenomena now a days that often newly married couples end up living distant from each other, shortly after their marriage....reasons being..job, family disputes, accommodation....and so on. The time frame of distance, the communication between the couple, the physical/practical distance between the spouses are just some of the factors that play vital role in the development of the relationship. Another one of the common causes of distance i've come across is immigration. This being the case when one of the spouse is not a citizen of the other spouse's home country. Immigration can be a lengthy process that can range for 6 months to 1 year or even 1.5 years, inevitably beyond one's control. Some times the distance between the spouses could be simply because both are career oriented and live in different cities and are not willing to give up their careers yet believe they can manage their marriage.

Having knowledge of all the above circumstances....if one is involved in such a situation...are they putting their marriage on a risk? How should they coop with it in such circumstances, especially if they are beyond their control? What are some of the things they can do to keep the loose end tight and save their marriage from falling apart?  Give us your opinion.

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## kadambarivaidya

love and trust is very important in such marriages

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## Endurer

It is indeed very risky because things can go wrong, misunderstandings may arise, and you become skeptical at worst. 

I think the distance should be avoided at all costs because it's no different than separation. A separation before getting together that is.

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## Tulip

Atlantic, it all comes back to the couple's understanding and loyality towards each other. If they both are sensible and mature enough and willing to stick together then these problems won't destroy their marriage but if they are not that attached to eachother and there is communication gap then anything can be fatal to their fragile marriage.

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## Endurer

But isn't it a catch 22? Understanding comes from contact and an open attitude. The distance shakes up and makes the relationship vulnerable.

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## Tulip

I do get your point endurer but what I am trying to say here is, distance is not the only culprit when understanding and comittment are concerned. Two people living in the same room can be miles apart and two people living across the globe can be on the same page at the same time. So sometimes the bonding just comes naturally and distance has no part to play in it. Of course things will be better without the distance in between but understanding is something which can be achieved through the natural ease two people share.

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## sikandar107

> I do get your point endurer but what I am trying to say here is, distance is not the only culprit when understanding and comittment are concerned. Two people living in the same room can be miles apart and two people living across the globe can be on the same page at the same time. So sometimes the bonding just comes naturally and distance has no part to play in it. Of course things will be better without the distance in between but understanding is something which can be achieved through the natural ease two people share.


Agree with you Tulip.  Distance does sometimes play a role to bring confusion.  But if the mindsets of two people are matured and confident enough towards their relationship, distance does not affect the relationship.  We have umpteen such cases where two persons have got the feelings for each other which even two persons living in one room will strive to have those for rest of their life.  I believe that  long distance love/relationship with utmost trustworthiness and integrity can pull through all adversities that might  surface due to distance.

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## Tulip

> I believe that  long distance love/relationship with utmost trustworthiness and integrity can pull through all adversities that might  surface due to distance.


That's what I believe in.

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## sikandar107

But that trust, harmony, understanding and integrity do not come in one day.  It has to be tested hrough every passing moment and day from both sides.  If these elements are missing in a relationship, even the next door one will not last long.  There is a big difference between infatuation and love.  Love comes through truthfulness and trustworthiness amongst the people in relationship.  One person must try to be transparent and true and other person must trust the his/her person about what he says.  It is vice versa.  It cannot be one sided.

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## Endurer

> I do get your point endurer but what I am trying to say here is, distance is not the only culprit when understanding and comittment are concerned. Two people living in the same room can be miles apart and two people living across the globe can be on the same page at the same time. So sometimes the bonding just comes naturally and distance has no part to play in it. Of course things will be better without the distance in between but understanding is something which can be achieved through the natural ease two people share.


In an ideal world yes, it comes naturally. In arranged marriages where you don't know a word about each other, the chances of starting on the wrong foot are higher. Add distance, throw in a few misunderstandings and you're off to a rocky start; one that's hard to recover from.




> But that trust, harmony, understanding and integrity do not come in one day.  It has to be tested hrough every passing moment and day from both sides.  If these elements are missing in a relationship, even the next door one will not last long.  There is a big difference between infatuation and love.  Love comes through truthfulness and trustworthiness amongst the people in relationship.  One person must try to be transparent and true and other person must trust the his/her person about what he says.  It is vice versa.  It cannot be one sided.


There is a big IF here. Let's set aside love and all thats holy about the relationship and concentrate on a relationship that can merely agree to disagree. I have seen a few relationships succeed despite the distance as well as a few that have failed due to the distance. As far as I am concerned, distance should definitely be avoided after the marriage. It wreaks havoc on an already fragile beginning.

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## sikandar107

> In an ideal world yes, it comes naturally. In arranged marriages where you don't know a word about each other, the chances of starting on the wrong foot are higher. Add distance, throw in a few misunderstandings and you're off to a rocky start; one that's hard to recover from.
> 
> 
> 
> There is a big IF here. Let's set aside love and all thats holy about the relationship and concentrate on a relationship that can merely agree to disagree. I have seen a few relationships succeed despite the distance as well as a few that have failed due to the distance. As far as I am concerned, distance should definitely be avoided after the marriage. It wreaks havoc on an already fragile beginning.


I do agree on the points.  Distance does play a vital role to maintain compatible relationship.  There are cases where distance has destroyed a relationship.  Reason - there comes a weak moment due to confusion and lack of adequate communication when misunderstanding surfaces and its a fact that lack of communication brings confusion and confusion brings conflict.  So one has to be extremely understanding to carry on with this sensitive relationship and again understandings comes with the trustworthiness and transparency only.

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